How Could I Tell?
by MeconMe
Summary: Eight situations in a week. Eight thoughts in seven days. Eight confessions, she may not hear. Jisbon stuff :
1. Chapter 1

**A/n** Just something that popped out of nowhere. Jisbon stuff of course. I can't write for Red Sleep until this one is out. This just won't leave me alone (seriously, in class, at home and even in my dreams!). So I just had to write it and I thought that it would be ok if I share it to all. Anyways, I hope you will like it.

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. I could only wish.

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**How Could I Tell?**

_Eight thoughts, in seven days._

**Monday**

"HEY LISBON!"

"WHAT JANE!" She growled at me.

Growl no. 10 – translation: "I seriously don't have time for this, JANE!" Huh, I have heard this sound so many times now that I have already built a list of her different growls and their meanings.

"Do you want Rigsby and Van Pelt to be together again?"

I have learned through the years that talking to Lisbon is like playing a chess game, you have to make it appear that you're after the enemy's rook when in fact you're already moving to corner the king. Of course I already know her answer and have a vague idea of what her reasons are, but this whole situation is taking a toll on her – she's not sleeping well and she's bearing the weigh of keeping our team together and also solving our current case. She needs to vent out her emotions or else, one of this days, she will just snap and of course, I will have to take the blow. If it comes to that, I really don't mind; I could be her punching bag if that will make her feel better! But seeing that there is still another way, here I am, pitting myself to the little minx.

"No Jane, I don't want them to be together again." She answered. I guess she's too tired to wonder and argue about my randomness.

She was already lounging in her desk chair and tapping her ballpoint pen in the table. Her eye bags are puffier and darker and her hands are shaking from the caffeine in her system – all four cups of them. She's so tired that she doesn't even complain about me going inside her office without knocking or at least making my presence known.

"Why?"

I sat down and leaned on her office couch. I projected a relaxed posture and gave a small smile so that she would lower her defenses and relax too. She looked at me with suspicious eyes. Lisbon already knows enough to doubt it when I sputter questions out of nowhere but she's too weary to put out a fight.

"If they get back together, I am pretty sure that Hightower will make me take steps to break them up."

She frowned and she looked even more tired. She loves the team so much and she cares for each and every one of us. This situation puts her in a very awkward position.

"If that happens, I would have no choice but to do it. And of all the things that I hate the most, it is when I become a cause for breaking people."

This is more than I bargained for. Had I not been Patrick Jane, surely I could have just stayed silent and looked dumbstruck, but thankfully my reflexes acted and my face broke into the usual I-already-know-that grin.

I have expected the first sentence, but the last one totally took me off guard.

Lisbon really has NO idea.

For no matter how much she hates it, Lisbon has already done that.

She had already broken me.

Her mere presence breaks me into pieces.

She broke my defenses, my façade and my heart.

For no matter how close we are, no matter how reachable she is, I could never be able to tell her –

How much I love her.

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A/n. Yep, drabbles. What do you think? Too corny? Just okay? Or worth it?

Please let me know! Reviews please.

Btw, Tuesday and Wednesday stories are already finished but I can't decide if I should post it or not. You're comments will really help me with that decision, so please! Tell me what you think. And in case you're interested, here's a little heads up.

_Preview: _

"_They said it's going to be much colder tonight. I can't afford to have a sick and annoying consultant. I could only imagine how __**painful**__ and __**excruciating**__ that is going to be for me." - Lisbon_


	2. Chapter 2

A/n Here is the second and third part. I decided to post both the Tuesday and Wednesday chapters together because they are actually connected! I hope you like them. This is also my first attempt to write Angsty story.

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. I could only wish.

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**Tuesday**

"Bye Lisbon"

She looked at me with narrowed eyes. It's already one in the morning and everyone's already home, except of course, me, Lisbon and Fred, the night guard. We have just closed the recent case and as usual, after our customary closed-case pizza, she burrowed herself in her office and splurged through all those boring papers. And, of course, I lounged into my couch until everybody left and indulge into my favorite hobby – observing Lisbon.

"You're not going home." She said it as a fact.

This is one of those days that I couldn't bring myself home. Closed cases don't make any difference in the feeling of loneliness that welcomes me when I open our house, so instead of inflicting anymore pain in my broken-beyond-repair heart, I decided to stay in here. My couch offers more sanctuary and feeling of safety.

I only grinned in reply.

She huffed and continued probing me. After a few minutes, she walked away and I thought that she's already going off. I was about to say "nice talking to you!" when she did something that I never expected and will certainly never forget.

She went back with a blanket.

"Here". She threw me the blanket. Funny, how a small gesture and an insignificant thing, could set my mind gears into running a million miles. Why? Why Lisbon? Again, thankfully, my reflexes came into my rescue and I gave a convincing I-have-expected-that smile.

"They said it's going to be much colder tonight. I can't afford to have a sick and annoying consultant. I could only imagine how **painful **and **excruciating** that is going to be for me." After finishing, she did not wait for my reply and she walked away towards the elevator.

Lisbon doesn't fail to amaze me.

"Yes, Lisbon, because I know you don't want to see me in _so much_ pain". I called out to her as she stepped into the elevator and thanked that my wittiness is still intact.

"Yeah, right, because I _certainly won't hesitate_ to let a moment pass when I could kill you and get away with it." She said sarcastically as the elevator closed.

After making sure that her car, with her in it of course, has already left the premises, I snuggled deep into the blanket. Somehow, her cinnamon smell eased the weigh in my chest. Her warmness still lingers in the material. Automatically, my glance fell on her office and for a moment, I could see her sitting there, as she shuffles through papers. I could see her in the pantry table, coffee mug in hand, as she waits for the water to boil. I could see her standing in the middle of the room with a case file in her hand as she explains to us, the details of the case. Lastly I could see her standing beside my couch, blanket at hand, and smiling down at me.

In a whim, I took my cell phone out and was about to push the dial key when I caught my self. What was I thinking? I'm going to call her, and then what? I laughed at how stupid I was. I can't possibly call her right now; she's still probably driving and will be too busy focusing on the road for me to disturb her. Besides, what will I say to her?

Nothing.

And I certainly can't tell her about the only thing running in my mind –

How much I already miss her.

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A/n I will really appreciate all your comments, tips, criticisms and anything else you want to tell me.

And yep, Wednesday chapter is already in


	3. Chapter 3

A/n Here's the Wednesday chapter and so far the longest. Yep, still Jisbon stuff.

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. I could only wish.

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**Wednesday**

"Stay Lisbon"

This is certainly not my day. I slept a fitful last night. Despite the warmness that Lisbon's blanket provided me, I still regretted attempting to sleep. Because, despite the fact that I had no nightmares, what substituted was worst: dreams. They involved the one person that I will never have – Lisbon. The first dream involved me, Lisbon and the beach. It's also about white dresses and irrevocable vows. I woke up when she was about so say "I do". At first I thought, it couldn't possibly get any worst, but the second dream proved me wrong. This time, it's a little boy with blonde curls and deep green eyes. After waking up from that dream, I decided not to sleep anymore.

Who knows what I'll sleep into?

My day is still not looking up, because here we are, in the middle of a new case, with a deranged father that's making bullets rain. Lisbon and the rest of the team are preparing to get out of the van. Soon, someone has to confront the father, or else, his bullets might find a target. Sadly, that "someone" has to be Lisbon. She always plays the hero and she always insists on being at the front of the line. Usually I am cool with it, because I try to make sure that she is safe – despite what she believes. But, this is a whole different story. I can't possibly control the bullets that the lunatic is firing.

Damn.

As she was about to go out of the van, I grabbed her wrist and turned her towards me. I don't care if the team is watching. I don't care if Lisbon gets angry with me. I don't care of what this will do to our future. I need to say it.

"Stay Lisbon". I blurted it out without thinking much.

Her face showed shock and confusion. Without looking around, I know that the faces of the other three agents are pretty much the same like her. We were staring intently at each other, trying to measure what the other is thinking, but we where interrupted by the sound of another round of raining bullets. With a sigh, she gently freed her wrist from my grasp and no matter how much I hate it; I had to let her go.

"Jane, it's alright. I'll be fine. We will **all** be fine." She looked at me straight in the eyes and I could see reassurance reflecting on her green eyes. She gave me a small smile and patted my arms.

"I just want you to do one thing for me Jane." Seriousness flowed through each of her words. Anything, Lisbon. You must know by now that I am willing to do **anything** for you. But of course, I can't tell her that because she's already too embarrassed with my earlier action. So, instead of replying, I resigned myself to silence.

"Stay here in the car Jane. We all know that, a deranged man, flying bullets and **you **are not a good combination". She's trying to lighten up the mood, but it failed miserably.

I know that what happened between the two of us will raise a lot of questions and that, right now, Lisbon's course of action will be denial. As much as possible, she will treat this situation like it could happen to anyone of us. She will try to forget the feelings evoked by our skin contact and she will bury the thoughts that run on her mind during that moment. I don't have the right to make it harder for her.

"When was the last time I disobeyed you, milady?" Of course I did a much better job and successfully pulled the nothing-awkward-here act, which in turn lightened the mood in the van. Grace rolled her eyes and opened the van to get out. Rigsby, laughed but turned it into a cough when he saw Lisbon glare at him and he immediately followed Grace outside. Cho stayed for a few more seconds. He was staring at us like he normally does, but the small twitch of his little finger gave him away.

He knows.

Old Cho knows that we are again playing our masquerade game. After looking at Lisbon, he went out without further ado. Lisbon gave me a small smile before she went out to the team.

As I watched her retreating form, anxiety crushed me. The defensive formation that the team formed around her won't do any good. Her steady hands, holding her gun won't be enough protection. The bullet-proof vest she's wearing won't guarantee her safety. Until she's in my arms, this anxiety won't leave me. Sitting in the car won't do me any good so I stepped out of the van. At least, here, beside the van, I felt nearer to her. Just another 100 steps away from her.

Minutes have passed and a few more magazines of bullets are used. Finally after what felt like eternity, silence enveloped the house where Lisbon and the team are.

I hate this kind of silence.

This is the moment when I don't know who will be the first one out of that door or if anyone will **actually** be able to get out of that door. The first one out was Rigsby, he was holding a wriggling man in handcuffs. He's too absorbed in the suspect that all he's face showed is stern. So far so good. The next one out was Cho. He's face is too stoic for me to read. A hundred steps make a lot of difference in trying to read Cho. He's too far for me to see the tiny movements that give him away. At least he's showing no signs that anybody was seriously hurt. But that is still not good enough. The third one out was Van Pelt. She was clutching her right shoulder and she's clearly in pain. There are no red stains and no bullet holes so I am guessing that she strained it or that she assumed physical combat with the suspect. That explains why Rigsby was extra tough on the guy. Still, I can't find assurance in the face of Van Pelt.

I held my breath when no Lisbon exited the house. Without much bravado, I half-ran, half-walked the remaining distance between me and the house. What could possibly take her that long to get out? Maybe she's collecting evidence. No, she'll leave it for the crime scene investigators. Maybe she's surveying the whole house. Certainly not, Lisbon knows better than to snoop around the suspect's house without backup. Maybe she was hurt and needs help. I almost had myself convinced with that reason, until I realized that no one in the team approached the paramedics to ask for help. No one was actually entering the house. This drove me crazy because the last possibility that remained in my mind is something that I am not prepared to face yet.

I was about to cross the police line, when I saw a shadow in the doorway. My heart fell when I saw who was standing there.

Lisbon.

Lisbon with a baby in her arms.

She immediately saw me. She smiled at me and in return I can't help the smile of relief in my lips.

She made a move to give the crying baby to the paramedics. The baby stirred and for a moment held on to Lisbon. Maybe, he too felt the relief of Lisbon's presence.

After watching her for a few moments, I walked beside her and placed my hand on her right shoulder. This was enough to assure me that she is indeed standing there and that all those crazy thoughts are only in my mind. She turned and looked at me, and again, she flashed me a reassuring smile.

There had been too much action today. That's enough for now. She doesn't need to hear it. To hear me say –

How scared I am of loosing her.

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A/n So, do you think I should still continue? Please tell me if you still want it or not. I already have a plot for Thursday but it is still in the back door of my mind. Please tell me if you want it on paper or if I should just keep it to myself.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read my little weird drabbles! I really appreciate it guys!


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